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We use their flaws against them, cataloging their shortcomings in our minds until admiration slowly erodes into cynicism.When this transformation occurs, we become highly attuned to our partners' less desirable traits.Have you ever met someone and got along famously, only to have them back off suddenly?Perhaps you reacted by ignoring them when they finally tried to get in touch a few weeks later, and now, ages later, are still wondering what happened.Being human means being biologically wired to be in community and to bond with another (even in the short term) as both actions are integrally bound to the survival of our species.Sadly, there are many among us who long for connection and deep intimacy, but who also fear physical and emotional closeness in equal measure to their desire for closeness.As a therapist, I often hear couples complain that whenever one partner tries to get close, the other pulls away.It's a painful reality that love isn't always as easy to give and receive as we'd like to think.

Intimacy-phobics are prone to suddenly pulling back just at the point a person who is comfortable with intimacy leans in.

To give some context, the media is always reporting about the different ways boys and girls are socialized, and many of us see such gender-restrictive parenting among folks within our social circles.

Because it does appear that boys and girls, at least historically, have been socialized differently, it would make sense that girls who were socialized to engage in cooperative play grow up to be women who are better at handling emotions and relationships than boys who were socialized to engage in competitive and physical play and grow up to be men who are less comfortable with vulnerability and emotional intimacy in relationships.

Generalization caveat: Not all men are afraid of relationships, but many men are terrified of them.

Before I get into the reasons why they're so afraid, let me first address the question of whether men are more afraid of relationships than women.